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Loneliness: Another Gift
Mary Coday Edwards, MA
January 2, 2024
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. Mark Twain
Farmed out to live with relatives at the age of nine left me bereft of a sense of Self. At age 18, the summer before I started university, I set out to find that Self by hitchhiking solo through Canada. Maybe we’d recognize each other along the roadside with our thumbs out. “THERE you are!” we’d enthuse and fall hugging into each other’s arms.
In one Canadian city, I stopped at a YWCA to rent a room for a couple of nights. The inn was full, but the kind receptionist put a screen in the corner of the lobby where I could roll out my sleeping bag with a modicum of privacy.
That afternoon I wandered the city’s streets looking for that Self—who did not materialize. I had nothing to anchor me and felt as if I was going crazy. Miserable, I returned to the YWCA lobby and my corner and managed to meet two girls my age who were traveling together. We hung out, and their presence and our shared talk of mutual missteps cheered me considerably. I felt happy when I connected with the two other travelers. I didn’t know that was my Self flitting in joy at this mutual recognition. Note that it required communication, speaking, a dialogue.
After Canada, I continued my solo coddiwompling believing I didn’t need people. Bill Plotkin, whom I read decades later, says we travel outwardly because we are in reality traveling inwardly, looking for our soul, the deepest part of who we are (1, 2).
Discontent, sadness, and loneliness dogged my footsteps. To escape this state of unhappiness, I converted to a patriarchal, crusading Christianity. My Self slunk deeper into the recesses of the dark cave of my soul to protect Herself from that lonely adventure, occasionally breaking out with what I thought was random and embarrassing speech. She only wanted to be noticed (3).
Loneliness: an absence of connection
We can feel that inner, lonely isolation in a crowd. In her award-winning book The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone, Olivia Laing says:
“. . . loneliness doesn’t necessarily require physical solitude, but rather an absence or paucity of connection, closeness, kinship: an inability for one reason or another, to find as much intimacy as desired” (pgs. 3, 4).
And more:
“If loneliness is to be defined as a desire for intimacy, then included within that is the need to express oneself and to be heard, to share thoughts, experiences, and feelings. Intimacy can’t exist if the participants aren’t willing to make themselves known, to be revealed” (pg. 75).
US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has brought loneliness to the forefront of mental health issues; he identifies three types of loneliness:
· Emotional loneliness – 'the absence of meaningful relationships'
· Social loneliness – a 'perceived deficit in the quality of social connections'
· Existential loneliness – a 'feeling of fundamental separateness from others and the wider world’
Unknown to me in those late teen years of travel, I was suffering primarily from an existential loneliness, cut off from my soul and hence others and the wider world. I didn’t present my Self to others, but a persona, what I believed would keep me safe, what others wanted to see or hear. My religion told me to “die to self,” but I didn’t even have a Self to die to.
Murthy says loneliness is at “epidemic levels” and is “killing us.” Supposedly one-in-two adults experienced loneliness in recent years—and that was pre-COVID pandemic isolation. Roughly one and a quarter million adults are feeling lonely at any moment. This ranges from a deep, chronic loneliness to a transitional loneliness caused by a move to a different city, a death, a breakup, a new job (see note 5; for more on how loneliness is measured, see this resource).
Loneliness can lead us to what we value and what we need
Can we see it as a gift? Something this prevalent in the US that impacts nearly fifty percent of our adult population cannot be an anomaly, it must be part of the human experience. In other words, it’s a normal experience (it can become an issue when feelings are all-consuming and if it interferes with daily living).
We don’t need to feel shame that something might be wrong with us; instead, it can lead us to what we value and what we need. Don’t expect others to fill that need for you. Your happiness is not their responsibility. Make choices. Practice gratitude instead of focusing on a lack—perceived or real.
An excluding group, the masses
What we know but Laing illuminates, is that “loneliness does not happen in isolation, but rather as an interplay between the individual and the society in which they are embedded” (pg. 90). As humans, we want to be looked at and listened to, but the excluding majority doesn’t want to hear from the misfits, those on the fringes of society. An excluding group has a fear of difference and refuses to let other life forms co-exist.
My religion—which I did leave—was dedicated to excluding and sidelining women. And while that continues, it’s the LGBTQ+ and people of color who face the greater silencing in today’s society, edged out as outsiders. If connection and intimacy require communication, that is stifled due to fear of public or private humiliation, rejection, or ostracization.
Big Pharma benefits
Shaping loneliness to be an aberration, a feeling we don’t dare confess to, can only bring anxiety and/or depression—something to be medicated, which Big Pharma is happy to provide, thus increasing profits for its CEOs and shareholders (I am not excluding the use of pharmacological medications; talk to a mental health expert as needed).
And while social media can and does give a voice to the excluded, it also can further isolate us, cutting us off from the intimacy of connection and closeness.
Laing found solace in art, and in her book, focuses on four artists: Edward Hopper, Andy Warhol, Henry Darger, and David Wojnarowicz. She said she “wanted to understand what it means to be lonely, and how it has functioned in people’s lives, to attempt to chart the complex relationship between loneliness and art” (pg. 8).
Working with loneliness
If you feel lonely, be curious about it: “Isn’t that interesting. I’m feeling lonely. I wonder what’s going on? What do I need?”
Pay attention and sit mindfully with whatever surfaces. Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness meditation as “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally”. Don’t panic; remember to breathe.
Affordable counseling is available through People House. Get help when needed!
I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.
Robin Williams
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Notes & Sources:
1. Plotkin, Bill. Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche. Novato: New World Library, 2003.
2. By “soul,” I do not mean from a Christian perspective, but that deepest part of you. Carl Jung believed the soul was a part of the psyche, the psyche defined as the whole of one’s being, conscious and unconscious. Clarissa Pinkola Estés refers “to the soul aspect of the psyche by many names, including the true self, the instinctual nature … all these separate from the small ‘ego of appetites and ambitions’ that may serve its own purpose—but by no means is ego to be the leader of the enormous psyche.” https://www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2017/03/clarissa-pinkola-estes
3. Excerpts taken from: Edwards, Mary Coday. To Travel Well, Travel Light: An Adventure Memoir of Living Abroad and Letting Go of Life’s Trappings: Material Possessions, Cultural Blinders, and a Patriarchal Christian Worldview. 2022; SBNR Press.
4. Laing, Olivia. The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone. Picador, 2016.
5. Murthy, Vivek. “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, 2023: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.” https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/03/new-surgeon-general-advisory-raises-alarm-about-devastating-impact-epidemic-loneliness-isolation-united-states.html
6. Westbook, The Lifespan of Loneliness. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/21/opinion/loneliness-epidemic-mental-health.html?campaign_id=39&emc=edit_ty_20231221&instance_id=110687&nl=opinion-today®i_id=82638792&segment_id=153149&te=1&user_id=c0f89e1e3d4e432c6a83738febd1f5be
7. Loneliness in the United States: A 2018 National Panel Survey of Demographic, Structural, Cognitive, and Behavioral Characteristics https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31203639/
https://peoplehouse.org/loneliness-another-gift-by-rev-mary-coday-edwards-ma/
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About the Author: Award-winning author Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister, and author of To Travel Well, Travel Light. An Adventure Memoir of Living Abroad and Letting Go of Life’s Trappings: Material Possessions, Cultural Blinders, and a Patriarchal Christian Worldview. A lifelong student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, where she focused on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels. In addition to working in refugee repatriation, she was an editor for international, English print, daily newspapers in Indonesia and Mexico.
#Loneliness #Mindfulness #OliviaLaing #MaryCodayEdwards
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Inside the Seeker’s Journey
Mary Coday Edwards, MA
November 21, 2023
And you, when will you begin that long journey into yourself? -Rumi
Journey is the metaphor often used to make sense of the twists and turns along our life’s experiences and into those we take into our psyche’s unconscious or soul (1). These include the heroine’s journey, the hero’s, and the night-sea—all complex journeys toward health and wholeness.
Good novels and movies provide us examples of these journeys:
Either by coercion or choice, our hero leaves their familiar surroundings and goes out into unknown territory; through their experiences, trials, and obstacles, they emerge transformed. Our hero has been challenged in the way they understand themselves and the world they live in. Think Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. The global, cross-cultural success of Star Wars reveals how millions could relate to its characters and universal and enduring themes.
The journey presents opportunities for our protagonist to be the adult, to take responsibility for their actions, to leave behind an unexamined world picture that wasn’t serving them anymore, or have the courage to live who they truly are. In my own life, which I wrote about in my book, To Travel Well, Travel Light (3), I had wrong and destructive beliefs about God and about myself. I was compelled to make serious changes toward health and wholeness. The patriarchal religion of my young adulthood said, “Onward and upward! If you’ve hit a brick wall, well, you must not be pleasing God! And let ME tell you what you can do to please God, I will tell you everything about you that is wrong, that you need to change.”
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SEEKER’S PATH
Its basic premise is that we retain the most helpful of our past life. It served us well but now life’s circumstances have changed. We make adjustments in order to bring purpose and meaning into our lives.
The Seeker’s Journey will require us to change course. Not because the previous was misguided or wrong, but because our circumstances have changed.
1-THE SEEKER BEGINS THE JOURNEY WITH A FUNCTIONAL AND MEANINGFUL WORLDVIEW
I did not have that; mine included the silencing and annihilation of a large part of who I was in order to fit into the religious worldview I found myself immersed in. A worldview includes beliefs that provide meaning to and an understanding of how one fits into one’s reality—beliefs about Ultimate Reality, an understanding of themselves, and how they fit into one’s reality.
The seeker also experiences a fulfilling balance between a feeling of belonging and a sense of agency. In other words, while they may feel comfortable with their family, in their professional capacity, or a religious institution, they retain the ability to be themselves and to say and do what they think even if it disagrees with the majority opinion within the group.
They have a way of being that helps them make sense of and navigate life’s idiosyncrasies; it gives them a sense of wholeness (as defined in this blog).
2-SOMETHING CHANGES ABOUT THE SEEKER AND/OR THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES.
This is a good reminder about life. When we end up with a sense of wholeness in our hero/heroine’s journey, it doesn’t mean it will translate into wholeness for the rest of our lives, for all possible futures. The woman (or man) who has willingly devoted herself to staying at home to raise her children while her partner became the primary breadwinner now finds herself at a new stage in life as her children have grown. Circumstances have changed. What brought her purpose and meaning has left the nest. It wasn’t that it was false, only that it no longer works.
3-THE SEEKER RECOGNIZES THAT A DISCONNECT EXISTS BETWEEN THEIR REALITY AND THEIR WORLDVIEW.
This awareness can be consciously or unconsciously, gradually or suddenly. Perhaps dreams begin to disturb their sleep.
4-THE SEEKER BEGINS AN INTENTIONAL EXPLORATION FOR A NEW UNDERSTANDING OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR REALITY.
This requires self-examination of one’s values. Some updating may be necessary, a shift in focus. The stay-at-home parent of the above may decide nurturing oneself is of importance now, and will explore ways to make that change.
5-TRANSFORMATION
Transformation is not the same as change. And It isn’t just seeing life differently; it’s being different. A caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. Twenty years ago, I had an epiphany when I understood how I was interrelated with all species and ecosystems at a cosmic level, but I am still working that out as a way of being, as transformative. Constantly I bring that wisdom to the forefront of my consciousness. It includes more than deciding to recycle.
Knowing that everything I thought of as solid—my chair, my table, a rock—is really a wave of energy versus mass requires a retraining of my brain’s neural routines.
Summarizing, just because your life of today and its direction seems at odds with your past, it doesn’t mean that you missed it getting to this point. The Seeker’s Journey starts with recognizing that you had a functioning worldview, one that gave your life meaning and purpose. Then life’s circumstances changed—as is normal.
The seeker recognizes a disconnect, a divergence. Adjustments are in order; perhaps the seeker will experiment with different avenues. And transformation does happen. It may take a while or it may be near spontaneous.
Don’t let discouragement get the best of you. See these hiccups in life as times for growth and transformation, for you to take what your beliefs are and turn them into enacted values, actions, and statements.
Note that the psyche has its own values and goals—especially when it’s time for our seeker’s journey.
PRACTICES OF THIS PATH
Pay attention and sit mindfully with whatever surfaces. Don’t panic. Affordable counseling is available through People House. Get help when needed!
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Notes & Sources:
1. By “soul,” I do not mean from a Christian perspective, but that deepest part of you. Carl Jung believed the soul was a part of the psyche, the psyche defined as the whole of one’s being, conscious and unconscious. Clarissa Pinkola Estés refers “to the soul aspect of the psyche by many names, including the true self, the instinctual nature … all these separate from the small ‘ego of appetites and ambitions’ that may serve its own purpose—but by no means is ego to be the leader of the enormous psyche.” https://www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2017/03/clarissa-pinkola-estes
2. Edwards, Mary Coday. To Travel Well, Travel Light: An Adventure Memoir of Living Abroad and Letting Go of Life’s Trappings: Material Possessions, Cultural Blinders, and a Patriarchal Christian Worldview. 2022; SBNR Press.
3. Jackson, Savannah.; ed. assistance by Nancer Ballard. “The Seeker Journey; Seeking a New Arc,” The Heroine Journey’s Project. March 8, 2022. https://heroinejourneys.com/2022/03/08/the-seekers-journey-seeking-a-new-arc/
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https://peoplehouse.org/inside-the-seekers-journey-by-rev-mary-coday-edwards-ma/
About the Author: Award-winning author Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A lifelong student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, where she focused on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels. In addition to working in refugee repatriation, she was an editor for international, English print, daily newspapers in Indonesia and Mexico.
#SeekersJourney #Mindfulness #CarlJung #MaryCodayEdwards
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Carl Jung on Owning Your Shadow
Mary Coday Edwards, MA
October 10, 2023
WHAT IS OUR SHADOW?
Jung said the shadow is that which I do not wish to be. It’s those parts of my personality or my organizations, if we look at the collective level, that when they’re brought to my awareness, I find them troubling.
It includes a whole range of our reality that is not necessarily available to our everyday consciousness. And just because something’s not observed by consciousness doesn’t mean it’s not present or active. It may be spilling into the world through us, without us being aware of it.
When our ego was forming through our experiences growing up, it hung on to some ideas and repressed or disowned others. From our caregivers, teachers, politicians, or religious leaders we received the message that some things were “bad” or “really wrong.” Perhaps our family wouldn’t allow anger so all that unexpressed anger went down into the basement of our psyche. Now as an adult, it’s hard to be angry about environmental or social injustices—issues which we ought to be angry about to see what we can do to correct the situations.
The shadow itself is not the problem, it’s how it plays out in our lives. It’s what it makes us do or keeps us from doing.
THE SHADOW SHOWS UP IN BASICALLY FOUR DIFFERENT WAYS
1-Most commonly, it remains unconscious.
We don’t look at ourselves in the mirror in the morning and say, “Today I’m going to repeat the same stupid, unhealthy things I’ve been doing for decades.”
The human psyche is incredibly diverse. It has mixed motives at all times. It’s a collection of splintered agendas and splinter personalities. Most of the time our shadow remains unconscious unless someone calls it to our attention, it shows up in our dreams, or we find that consequences are piling up. Our ego, still trying to protect us, quickly pulls back from exploring that scary material. Returning to my earlier example, when anger surfaces, fear of punishment immediately comes up.
2-The ego tries to disown the material by projecting it onto others.
You’re in a meeting and a colleague has to be the center of attention or continually discounts others’ opinions. You seethe at their self-centeredness. That strong emotion you’re feeling could be your shadow coming through.
Someone uncomfortable expressing strong feelings might say, “You’re yelling at me!” when the other person is only expressing a different opinion than yours.
By putting it onto someone else, I don’t have to be responsible for it; I can blame YOU. I don’t see that reality in myself, but I can see it in you. A projection is not a conscious decision; it’s an unconscious mechanism to disdain something.
How to work with a projection? We pay attention to our strong emotions and we become aware of any feelings of stress in our bodies. I recognize it: “Oh, what did I put on you?” Then I can claim that content, to own it within myself.
Our institutions play host to our collective projections and are where bigotry and prejudice dwell unchecked.
3-We get caught up in our shadow.
Some places in the United States advertise the shadow, such as Las Vegas and New Orleans, offering sex, alcohol, and gambling. People flock to these cities. What are they looking for? Some excitement, the enjoyment with the shadow.
An aging gentleman I knew lived a straight-laced life. In his later years when dementia began its slow takeover, he thoroughly enjoyed rolling down New Orleans Bourbon Street in his wheelchair, gawking unashamedly at the tantalizing scantily clad women lounging in the store-front windows.
The shadow holds a lot of energy, and the attraction of that energy draws us in and pulls us along. Sometimes people show up in our culture that embody the shadow—movie stars, sports figures, and politicians. Teenagers identify with groups that personify the shadow. Again, there is energy and excitement in the shadow, and underneath that is the appeal of that energy.
And try as we might to wall off our shadow, it almost consistently sneaks back in. How many principled politicians and religious leaders have we seen beset with shadow problems?
4-We choose to work with it.
We suffer it, we make it conscious, and slowly begin to integrate it.
Two thousand years ago Roman playwright Terence said, "I am human, and I think nothing human is alien to me." As James Hollis said, “If I accept that there is the murderer inside of me, I could say I’d never murder anybody, but maybe I’ve murdered someone’s hopes in a comment. Maybe I’ve murdered my own best dreams. We’re never free of that. Don’t get caught in the literal.”
No one wants to face the conniving parts, the selfish parts, the insecure parts, the angry parts. But why would any of us be exempt from our human DNA? And remember that some of those parts represent many redeeming qualities—qualities that we don’t feel easy access to. As mentioned earlier, anger fuels resolve to address unjust situations.
No One Can Do It For You, but You Can’t Do It By Yourself
I learned as a pre-teen to keep my opinions and ideas, as well as many of my emotions, to myself. The patriarchal church I joined in my late teens reinforced my need for safety through silence. Over the past few decades, I’ve reclaimed that part of me that I repressed into my shadow, but it hasn’t been easy. One of the first times I did publicly was when I wrote a controversial editorial for Mexico’s English daily newspaper when I worked there as an editor. My Mexican managing editor had pushed me to write it and when I finished, I felt like I had done something horribly wrong. Fortunately, I recognized where those feelings came from—fear of punishment or ostracization. Still, for several minutes, I had to breathe acceptance and calmness into my racing heart rate and my rising blood pressure.
In each of us there is an entire scope of nature that is present and active. Our main accountability to ourselves and to others around us is to pay attention to that and to own as much of it as possible.
Affordable counseling is available through People House. Get help when needed!
#Shadow #Mindfulness #CarlJung
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Notes & Sources:
1. Hollis, James. “Introduction to Jung’s Shadow Work.” Jung Platform, Psychological and Spiritual Perspectives. https://jungplatform.com/
2. “The Jungian Shadow.” Society of Analytical Psychology. Aug 12, 2015. https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/about-analysis-and-therapy/the-shadow
3. Ricord, Frederick W. (1885). The Self-Tormentor (Heautontimorumenos) from the Latin of Publius Terentius Afer with More English Songs from Foreign Tongues. New York: Charles Scribner's. p. 25. Retrieved 22 January 2018 – via Internet Archive. The quote appears in Act I, Scene 1, line 25, or at line 77 if the entire play is numbered continuously.
Writing Your Trauma: Why, How, & When
Mary Coday Edwards, MA
August 29, 2023
Why Write About Your Pain?
Your stories have healing potential—for yourself and others. However, don’t make yourself miserable telling them and then block or stop the project.
How To Write
Telling your trauma can be triggering. You’re opening yourself up to being seen—by the public or a critical eye.
Some trauma survivors unconsciously associate “being seen” with danger:
· because something painful happened to them when they were seen,
· or because they were not seen in some fundamental way, especially early in life. You opened yourself as a pre-teen or younger to an adult, and that person(s) gaslighted you, punished you, told you what you were feeling or thinking wasn’t right, wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t true. You learned to keep any emotions and thoughts covered up for fear of pain.
But still you feel compelled, driven, to write about those injuries. In the beginning when writing the hard stuff, we need someone to help take care of those wounds.
The Difference Between Journaling and Storytelling
Journaling:
· Is a safe place where we record all the details of what happened: location, weather, every sensory detail you can remember.
· It’s not meant to be read by everyone, maybe just close friends or counselors.
· Has no writing rules to follow and no bar to meet regarding writing quality.
· Sometimes give you insights regarding how that event can transform you.
· Is a place to experiment. Change the writing point of view, and write the story or write a letter to yourself from that POV:
“I lived with my Aunt Florence….”
“You lived with your Aunt Florence ….”
“She/he/they lived with her Aunt Florence ….”
Storytelling, which includes personal essays and memoirs, are stories about transformation that have gone through revisions and edits.
· They are focused writing, organized systematically, written for a specific audience.
· You’re not just writing about traumatic or shameful events but you reveal lessons learned. That requires critical feedback from writers and editors.
· Perhaps you use the Western narrative of a hero/heroine’s journey: something takes you out on your current life situation—often painful, you go through the experience, and you come back transformed—not necessarily happier, but changed. Doesn’t mean it’s over and done with; there’s always room for more personal growth and transformation. It’s circular not linear.
When
Sometimes writing about pain can bring on depression in the writer.
· Proactively engage in self-care. Writing your trauma can be a means of self-care, but it’s not the ONLY means. Get up and go for a walk. Make yourself a cup of tea. Abandon the writing for another day.
· Pay attention to how much energy you have. Writing the hard stuff takes energy, and then you need energy to recover from writing it.
· Consider the spoon theory, a metaphor used for chronically ill people. Each spoon represents a finite amount of energy. If you start your day with ten spoonfuls, how many are you willing expend today on your writing?
Evaluate your timing:
· You can journal at any time, but stories about an event often need distance so you can understand what it means.
· Part of you may not want to write about an event—it can re-activate the trauma and make you give up writing about it.
· What else is going on in your life? A major move? A new job or job loss? Surgery? You may think you have lots of time to work on your writing, but major life transitions take a lot of energy
Be Mindful About What You Write
Explore your stories with curiosity and compassion. Check your motives. Are you writing for revenge? Are you waging a vendetta? Remember that writing without working with the pain can increase the pain.
A final, published memoir is not a substitute for therapy. It’s not a place to dump all your unprocessed anger and hurt. Be mindful of what you say about the people who have damaged you, if for no other reason than because you can be sued for libel or invasion of privacy (2, 3).
Writing groups and workshops are there to help you improve your storytelling skills—NOT to help you deal with trauma. Before you expose yourself in writing groups, practice telling people to mind their own business—with love, kindness, and compassion, of course. You could be opening yourself up to unwanted and inappropriate advice and comments.
No One Can Do It For You, but You Can’t Do It By Yourself
A People House motto—affordable counseling is available through People House. Write your story, and get help when needed!
#WritingTrauma #Mindfulness #MemoirWriting
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Notes & Sources:
1. https://lithub.com/the-ethics-of-writing-hard-things-in-family-memoir/
3. https://janefriedman.com/ask-the-editor-how-can-i-avoid-lawsuits-when-writing-memoir/
Secularity Spirituality: Why It’s Necessary
Mary Coday Edwards, MA
July 18, 2023
Awe: The avalanche’s sharp crack echoed through the valley as it broke off from Pakistan’s Karakorum Mountain Range and slid down the range’s craggy peaks. Ice crystals spun into my hair and brushed my face.
Awe: In a blur of stripes, a great herd of African zebras thundered past my tent in Kenya.
Awe: I sat mesmerized in my screened-in back porch as Pakistan’s relentless monsoon winds and rains thrashed and shredded the leaves of thirty-foot-tall banana plants.
Awe: I watched warily from our boat as Indonesia’s Anak Krakatoa spewed a dark cloud of volcanic ash a hundred feet in the air.
Anak Krakatoa, Indonesia. Photo by Rev. Mary Coday Edwards
What is Secular Spirituality?
Secular means anything not affiliated with a church or a faith. Secular spirituality is the adherence to a spiritual philosophy without adherence to a religion, although it can coexist with institutional religions. It often emphasizes:
-a sense of awe—in grand or small events of life—and it includes acts of kindness at the grocery store
-the inner peace of an individual
-the search for meaning outside of a religious institution
-mindfulness or meditation practices
-nature, the environment
-humanistic values, such as compassion for others and a desire to lessen our planet’s suffering through helping others
-ritual versus a set of beliefs
It can be found in one’s creative actions. This includes art, music, dance, writing a poem, reading a poem, gardening, raising children, woodworking, sculpturing, building, teaching, intellectual endeavors, and in practicing one’s vocation/calling.
Why We Need a Secular Spirituality
It allows for a third way to the metanarratives (2, 3) of both science and institutionalized religion (4).
The scientific method does not speak kindly of spirituality: Spiritual concepts are not third-person objects that can be observed, measured, and tested; they cannot be replicated/duplicated; they cannot be falsified or proven wrong. This is not a judgement on the scientific method, it’s just an observation. Jeffrey Kripal in his book The Flip, says that by remembering this observation, we
“. . . can prevent a great deal of misunderstanding and a whole bunch of missteps. Those missteps all come down to two fundamental errors: trying to explain something [spiritual experiences: those that occur outside the ego and its immediate needs or outside of our five senses] with the scientific method that is not amenable to the scientific method, and then assuming that anything that cannot be so explained must not be real or important, or, worse yet, must be fraudulent or faked” (5).
He lists other methods to give meaning to our spiritual phenomena. But before we can give these experiences meaning, we must embrace them as reality.
“I like to experience the Universe as one harmonious whole. Every cell has life. Matter, too, has life; it is energy solidified.” Einstein
My own spirituality includes a deep and knowing connection, a oneness, with a greater cosmic consciousness, which came about through my understanding of quantum physics’ interconnected reality. And again, because of quantum physics, I know my efforts matter (the observer effect).
It includes the joy I feel with my family and friends.
I feel most spiritual when I’m living authentically: speaking my truth and acting upon it. Or when I’ve read a great book—fiction or nonfiction—that reveals something about our world outside of a typical view supported by the status quo, especially books that leave me in awe due to someone’s willingness to say, “But the emperor has no clothes on!”
What spiritual experiences give meaning to your life? Do they move you into community? Are they further imprinted into your being through ritual?
I leave you with two suggestions: sit mindfully (6) with these questions, and pay attention to energy coursing through your physical body—at the end of day, what made you feel most alive, and what deadened your spirit?
Photo by Rev. Mary Coday Edwards
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Notes & Sources:
1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secular_spirituality
2. Metanarrative, definition from Oxford Languages: an overarching account or interpretation of events and circumstances that provides a pattern or structure for people’s beliefs and gives meaning to their experiences.
3. A metanarrative speaks of absolute, universal truth. Postmoderns view a single narrative giving meaning to all lives as an impossibility. In sociology, metanarrative refers to the dominant narratives that shape our understanding of social structures and institutions. For example, the idea of the American Dream is a metanarrative that has shaped the way we understand and interact with concepts such as social mobility, success, and happiness. https://philonotes.com/2023/04/what-is-metanarrative
4. Friends and family tell me those acts of nature reveal God—but the catch is that they reveal THEIR God, of course—a metanarrative. Their God is confidently spoken of in male pronouns, tells me how to vote, that abortion and gay rights are the grave sins this God hates (not greed or materialism or environmental destruction or injustices or discrimination), that women must be subservient to men. Their list is long of what their male God demands of me. I must believe a certain way and live a certain way. As a reminder to fundamentalist Christians, according to the Bible, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27).
5. Kripal, Jeffrey J. The Flip: Epiphanies of Mind and the Future of Knowledge. Bellevue Literary Press, 2019; page 138.
6. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, says mindfulness is “paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.”
7. Kimmerer, Robin Wall. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants. Milkweed Editions; 2013.
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About the Author: Award-winning author Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A life-long student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, where she focused on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels. In addition to working in refugee repatriation, she was an editor for international, English print, daily newspapers in Indonesia and Mexico.
#SecularSpirituality #Mindfulness #Metanarratives #ScientificMethod
https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?linkCode=kpd&ref_=k4w_oembed_uuK1sZzHTDhUAf&asin=B0B7QH8DQR&tag=kpembed-20&amazonDeviceType=A2CLFWBIMVSE9N&from=Bookcard&preview=inline
PLASTICS, PEOPLE, PLANET: We’re All Hitched Together
Mary Coday Edwards, MA
May 30, 2023
Pieces of black plastic bags plagued every landscape—including remote mountain areas—that I drove through in Pakistan.
Plastic packaging bumped against me as I snorkeled in Indonesia’s seas—always scaring the heebie-jeebies out of me and threatening to pour seawater into my snorkeling tube as I frantically fought off what I perceived as a baby octopus or a jellyfish wrapping itself around my arm or my head.
Every monsoon morning on Bali’s beaches, underpaid laborers would be out raking and then burning heaps and mounds of plastic everything—straws, food packaging, bottles, bags—that had washed up overnight with the ocean’s tide.
Marine animals that had suffered due to humanity’s irresponsibility and selfishness lay on the sand, entangled in plastic nets or stabbed with straws.
Trash on a beach, Public Domain
Theme for World Environment Day, June 5: #BeatPlasticPollution
As I write this, nations have gathered together in Paris to seek a global plastic treaty, an international legally binding instrument on plastic pollution. The Biden administration seeks a voluntary commitment from nations—a less stringent approach.
A treaty could establish binding caps on how much plastic gets made and what chemicals get put into it. Almost all plastics are made from chemicals that come from the production of gas and oil—planet-warming fuels. The largest producer of these plastics in the U.S. is Exxon-Mobile, followed by Chevon, both of which saw their profits more than double in 2022 (2).
Every year, more than 400,000,000 metric tons of plastic is produced. Half of that is designed to be used only once, and of that half, less than 10 percent is recycled. And every year, an estimated 19-23 million metric tons ends up in our aquatic ecosystems—lakes, rivers, and oceans (3). In 2022, The Coca-Cola Company, PepsiCo and Nestlé were ranked as the world’s top plastic polluters for the 5th consecutive year according to Break Free From Plastic (4).
The Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP) made headlines this year, a trash vortex twice the size of Texas.
<a href="https://www.vecteezy.com/free-photos">Free Stock photos by Vecteezy</a>
Hitched Together: Microplastics in Breast Milk, We’re Poisoning Our Families
Microplastics are made up of polyethylene, polypropylene, and polyvinyl chloride, which are part of plastic packaging. Microplastics have been found in human breast milk (5), and since plastics come from the production of gas and oil, we’re feeding our children hydrocarbons.
Who benefits and who loses from plastic pollution?
CEOs, stockholders, and politicians benefit.
Who loses? That’s a no-brainer. Since the U.S. does not have a cradle-to-grave policy for our corporate polluters (6, 7), taxpayers and individuals are left to clean up the messes and bear the financial consequences. In addition, we’re killing our aquatic fellow species.
In the U.S., some states have banned the use of single-use plastic bags. Other states and municipalities prevent stores from providing free, single-use plastic bags. But in the state of Arizona, legislators passed a bill this spring that forbids local city and county governments from banning single-use plastic bags as well as other disposable containers, saying it’s “bad for the economy.” In other words, sick children are “good” for the economy as they bring in more profits for the healthcare industry. (See Note 7 for more information on plastic bags.)
Follow the money: Once again, who do our legislators serve? Their constituents or corporations? Vote for those whose values align with yours.
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe. John Muir, Father of the National Parks
This World Environment Day, consider investing your energy/life into other groups who support a healing worldview for our planet. The status quo puts private profit above the common good of all humanity and our nonhuman people, and many organizations exist that challenge that.
I’ve listed several websites below under “Notes and Sources” that speak of hope, of groups fighting to change our dependence upon plastics, and how we can be a part of that change. These include Plastic Oceans International and the United Nations Environmental Programme, which has a plastic pollution prevention toolkit [https://leap.unep.org/content/basic-page/plastics-pollution-toolkit-about]
Check out the Network of Spiritual Progressives. Its second element of their proposed Environmental and Social Responsibility Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states:
“Corporations with incomes over $50 million per year have to get a new corporate charter every 5 years, which would only be granted to those that could prove a satisfactory history of environmental and social responsibility to a jury of ordinary citizens.”
World Environment Day calls us to remember Earth’s nurturing and life-giving aspects to all species—human people and nonhuman people, as Potawatomi botany professor Dr. Robin Wall Kimmerer reminds us in her book Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants.
Why do we mark International Days?
International days and weeks are occasions to educate the public on issues of concern, to mobilize political will and resources to address global problems, and to celebrate and reinforce achievements of humanity. For countries led by dictatorships or nepotism but whose leaders have signed onto international treaties—including the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change, Kyoto Protocol, and the Paris Agreement (often with no plans to implement the treaties)—these international days can provide legitimate opportunities for citizens to publicly demonstrate and defend what these treaties stand for.
Turn turtle: Flip your way of thinking, as I’ve written in my last blogs.
See the world as alive, as interconnected. Pay attention to and watch for potentialities and possibilities. Use your creative imagination to think outside the status quo fed to us repeatedly by our politicians and CEOs. After all, they are the ones who financially benefit from the rest of us when we live as mindless consumers.
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Notes & Sources:
1. https://www.worldenvironmentday.global/about/theme-host
2. Posted February 8, 2023. https://www.energymonitor.ai/finance/big-oil-profits-soared-to-nearly-200bn-in-2022/
3. https://leap.unep.org/content/basic-page/plastics-pollution-toolkit-about
4. Posted May 8, 2023. https://brandaudit.breakfreefromplastic.org/brand-audit-2022/
5. "Raman Microspectroscopy Detection and Characterisation of Microplastics in Human Breastmilk." 2022. https://www.mdpi.com/2073-4360/14/13/2700
6. 'Cradle-to-grave' assessment considers impacts at each stage of a product's life-cycle, from the time natural resources are extracted from the ground and processed through each subsequent stage of manufacturing, transportation, product use, and ultimately, disposal. “European Environmental Agency.” https://www.eea.europa.eu/help/glossary/eea-glossary/cradle-to-grave. Jan 30, 2023
7. Jan. 27, 2023. https://www.unep.org/news-and-stories/story/plastic-treaty-progress-puts-spotlight-circular-economy
8. https://plasticoceans.org/the-facts/
10. Earth911 Newsletter Newsletter@earth911.com
12. “Remove Microplastics From Your Body - 8 Steps to Start Today.” April 14, 2023. https://www.shop-without-plastic.com/blogs/swop-blog/how-to-remove-microplastics-from-your-body
13. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, says mindfulness is “paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.”
TIME TO TURN TURTLE, Part 2
Rev. Mary Coday Edwards, MA
January 3, 2023
Turn turtle: Flip your way of thinking, as I wrote in my last blog, see below.
New Year’s resolutions can be quickly made and then quickly forgotten. I’m proposing one that only requires a conscious change in one’s thinking: live the “as if” (see my blog: https://peoplehouse.org/how-do-we-know-what-we-know-to-be-true-critical-realism-as-a-guide-to-the-real-by-rev-mary-coday-edwards-ma/).
Again, we do not know what the inside of an atom looks like, but scientists have theories that created our cell phones and computers, and so we live with the atom acting as if. Scientists took the plunge and acted as if their theories were correct. In addition, the creatives and the mystics around us have pulled back the curtain of our often-cloudy vision and shown us an as if of a spiritual world, an ultimate reality, a divinity, whatever you call it (2, 3).
When you live as if, you can tentatively and gently commit yourself to something, knowing you may be wrong, which is okay. It’s an experiment: NOT an absolute of good/bad or right/wrong. Living as-if not only frees you from fear, but also opens up a space inside you for unthought of possibilities.
Turn Turtle Thoughts & Actions: Choose a healthier path
See the world from a different perspective; that’s what happens when we turn turtle.
Live as if nature is holy. Walk gently on the earth.
Live as if nature is imbued with spirit.
Live as if you co-create with divinity, with the cosmos, that you can create more good in the universe, more consciousness.
Live as if your choices matter.
Live as if you are one with the natural world. Instead of seeing yourself as separate from your natural environment. Use your imagination to insert yourself into it. Commune with the trees, swim in the air you breathe. Visualize that when you walk on the ground, you walk on yourself.
Live as if the market economy isn’t the only way. Our current economic system is based on private profit and public loss. CEOs and shareholders create private profit for themselves: think Jeff Bezos or any of the resource extraction industries. Public loss is when these industries don’t clean up their mess (basic kindergarten rule). The rest of us experience that public loss in our pollution-poisoned air; freshwater streams, rivers, and lakes; and the earth. And we pay for it through medical bills: asthma, allergies, and gut problems. Ask the Navajos about their loss through irresponsible uranium mining companies and their complicity with the US government (4). And taxpayers foot the cleanup bill. Capitalism isn’t wrong; it just needs an update.
Our economic system is based on lies:
Lie number one: That we can dump our pollutants into the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the ground that grows our food and, that somehow, these poisons will magically disappear. Note also that some religions teach that we can abuse this natural creation and that “God will take care of it.”
Lie number two: That there will always be enough to satiate humanity’s greed—not our needs, but our wants.
Status quo: Don’t step outside the line!
In Roald Dahl’s Matilda, the evil headmistress sings, “…you have to stay inside the circle all the time!” and viciously punishes the children who don’t.
That’s what the status quo tells us, whether it be our politicians, economists, or religious leaders: Stay inside the line.
Humanity needs a flip.
Turn turtle. At a minimum, see the world as alive, as interconnected. We don’t need absolutes at this point—we need to see potentialities and possibilities.
Sit mindfully with this as you ponder the new year and how you want to live. Use your creative imagination to think outside the status quo fed to us repeatedly by our politicians and CEOs. After all, they are the ones who financially benefit from the rest of us when we live as mindless consumers.
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Notes & Sources:
1. Kripal, Jeffrey J. The Flip: Epiphanies of Mind and the Future of Knowledge. Penguin Books. 2019.
2. Barbour, Ian. Religion and Science: Historical and Contemporary Issues. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1997:110
3. Edwards, Mary Coday. To Travel Well, Travel Light: An Adventure Memoir of Living Abroad and Letting Go of Life’s Trappings: Material Possessions, Cultural Blinders, and a Patriarchal Christian Worldview. SBNR Press, 2022.
4. Many sources exist detailing this abuse and poison. This is just one article. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/04/10/473547227/for-the-navajo-nation-uranium-minings-deadly-legacy-lingers
5. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, says mindfulness is “paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.”
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#EcoSpirituality #QuantumEntanglement #CriticalRealism #NavajoUraniumPoisoning #Mindfullnes
TIME TO TURN TURTLE!
Rev. Mary Coday Edwards, MA
November 22, 2022
“Turned turtle” is an oft-used expression in Pakistan, where I lived and worked for eight years with my family.
Pakistan’s newspapers regularly reported on overcrowded buses that had “turned turtle” on dangerous and curved mountain roads where pass lines or guardrails rarely existed. The driver would lose control, and the bus would roll down the rocky and steep hillside.
Jeffrey J. Kripal, in his book The Flip (1), uses the flip analogy to explain a reversal of perspective, a change in what one thinks about reality, one’s personal assumptions. It’s when your world picture has turned turtle—you’re on your back, upside down, and the world around you takes on a different perspective.
Humanity needs a flip. Our current way of seeing the natural world is killing our planet and, consequently, killing us.
From What, to What?
Characteristics of our non-sustainable economic status quo include:
Infinite economic growth without consequences
Competition of free-market capitalism driven by self-interest and the accumulation of wealth by the very few of our species with little care for the natural environment in which it is embedded
Irresponsible transportation systems dependent upon automobile and gasoline industries. We have freedom to pollute with no responsibility to whom we sicken or the ecosystems we destroy creating ribbons of concrete
Scientific Materialism Includes the Presumed Truth that Nothing is Real that Cannot be Established by the Scientific Method
The scientific method restricts an inquiry to objects or processes that can be measured—that is, measured by a third person. One of its “truths” is that not only is the universe composed of matter, it’s mindless matter—dead matter—which is how we justify our above-noted economic system. And here’s the rub: We are destroying our planet, our home, because of our unquestioning belief that scientific materialism is the only truth.
A materialist explanation isn’t wrong, it’s just incomplete. It consistently leaves out everything that it cannot explain, such as any subjective experiences.
To WHAT? A Worldview that Includes our Interconnectedness with Everything
A flip in one’s reality can be sudden or happen slowly—mine happened slowly, punctuated with “ah-ha!” moments. What truly flipped my world picture was quantum mechanics, in particular its interconnectedness as shown through what is now known as the EPR Effect, commonly referred to as entanglement. Empirical tests have shown that particles that have once interacted become entangled. They form an indivisible whole and cannot be treated as if they were separate (2).
When we harm the planet, we harm ourselves. When we pollute our streams, ground, air—we harm ourselves.
As conscious humans, we can reflect on our cherished beliefs—and change them. We don’t need to defend and preserve unjust social structures and practices.
Sit mindfully with some options I’ve listed below, and see if any resonate with you.
The mystics of all religions speak of an interconnectedness, a oneness, with the cosmos. And it doesn’t have to be a religious mystical experience. My studies in quantum mechanics gave me the gift of knowing that joy of oneness, outside of any religion.
Deep Ecology (3). Its basic premise is that humans are an intimate part of the larger ecosystem, and we should care for it as we would our own body. There is no external deity pronouncing commands or a moral system. Deep ecology is one of self-care.
Dark, Green Religion (4). Taylor says that the natural world is sacred or meaningful in its own right. He disagrees with various sectors of established religions in their greening efforts, as these traditions still maintain that human beings are above nature and, therefore, have the diving right of dominion over nature.
Panpsychism says that matter is alive and conscious. The world is awake all the way down. It’s an old tradition and recognized as the fundamental worldview of most indigenous cultures. It doesn’t mean panpsychism has all the answers to our planet’s woes. It’s a way of thinking that can set our imaginations free from slavish devotion to what’s destroying our planet.
Live “As-If”
Turn turtle. At a minimum, see the world as alive. Live with the “as-if” function (https://peoplehouse.org/how-do-we-know-what-we-know-to-be-true-critical-realism-as-a-guide-to-the-real-by-rev-mary-coday-edwards-ma/). We can hang our actions on beliefs based on interconnectedness. Start there. We don’t need absolutes at this point—we need to see potentialities and possibilities—another implication of quantum mechanics.
This blog only asks that the reader use their creative imagination to think outside the status quo fed to us repeatedly by our politicians and CEOs. After all, they are the ones who financially benefit from the rest of us when we live as mindless consumers.
_______
Notes & Sources:
1. Kripal, Jeffrey J. The Flip: Epiphanies of Mind and the Future of Knowledge.
2. For more details on these topics, see my book: To Travel Well, Travel Light: An Adventure Memoir of Living Abroad and Letting Go of Life’s Trappings: Material Possessions, Cultural Blinders, and a Patriarchal Christian Worldview (https://www.amazon.com/Travel-Well-Light-Possessions-Patriarchal/dp/B0B7QH8DQR). SBNR Press, 2022.
3. Norwegian activist and philosopher Arne Næss coined the term deep ecology. He was a student of Mahatma Gandhi.
4. Taylor, Born. Dark Green Religion: Nature Spirituality and the Planetary Future. University of California Press, 2009.
#DeepEcology #QuantumEntanglement # Panpsychism #DarkGreenReligion #ScientificMethod
Women, the Game is Rigged
August 16, 2022
By Rev. Mary Coday Edwards, MA
“The game is rigged,” wrote Lux Alptraum in a recent article in The New York Times (1). She continued, saying that women needed to stop playing by the rules.
Feminist empowerment, which is the ability for women to make decisions for themselves and act on them, is failing women, she says.
By definition, empowerment feminism requires a system that’s operating in good faith—a system that empowers its members. Whether it be political, religious, educational, or economic, if women display confidence and strength, if we vote responsibly, if we work within the system, the system will reward us. It shows it respects our values and our truths. There have been many successes. In 2022, more than a quarter of the seats in Congress, almost a third of the seats in state legislatures, nearly half of the seats on the Supreme Court, and the vice president’s office are all occupied by women.
But Ms. Alptraum says we live in a rigged system, “one that attempts to discredit women and girls, that forces us to jump through unnecessary hoops and is more interested in discouraging us than in listening to what we have to say.”
Bodily autonomy: Governance over one’s body
While the #MeToo movement outed abusers, many remain in power. The FBI confirmed that they received 4,500 tips about Brett Kavanagh’s behavior but only investigated a handful—done at the directive of the then-current administration. Thus we ended up with a Supreme Court justice serving a lifetime appointment who voted to reverse Roe vs. Wade, denying women bodily autonomy (2).
Bodily autonomy is about the right to make decisions over one’s own life and future. It is about having the information to make informed choices. It’s the right to governance over one’s own body. These are universal values. True, we have seatbelt and motorcycle helmet requirements, and they are justified by the costs to society in lost lives and disabilities.
Bodily autonomy is regularly challenged by laws informed by patriarchal ideologies designed to subdue and govern others. Especially for women of color and LGBTQIA+ people, these laws determine how their bodies exist in the world.
Why seek the approval of an unjust system?
Ms. Alptraum asks why play by the rules when the rules are written so we lose? Why seek the validation and approval of an unjust system?
She says that we also need a feminism of disempowerment, which is knowing that since the system’s rigged against us, we go around it.
That’s nothing new. Marginalized groups throughout history purposefully worked outside established channels, knowing it might be their only path to equality. In the United States, the civil rights and LGBTQIA+ movements would have made little progress if they’d only quietly sought justice.
Being nice will not cause life to sing. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Ask Black South Africans how submitting nicely to the ruling white class worked out for them, or any other colonized people who fought the shackles of their colonial oppressors.
Ms. Alptraum gives examples of abortion-rights advocates and how throughout history and continuing today, they worked around the political systems that subjugated them, both in the U.S. and globally (3).
Former President Jimmy Carter severed his ties with the Southern Baptist Convention because he saw how the institution was rigged against women. He said, “The truth is that male religious leaders have had – and still have – an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter.”
Go where you’re valued. I left patriarchal Christian churches when I grew weary of trying to change it from within. I was consistently told that if I wanted the all-male leaders to listen to me, I had “to talk nicer.” Which of course, revealed its rigged system, because “nice” was defined by the patriarchy. I would never be heard or accepted as an equal. I left those churches behind and became a nonsectarian ordained minister through a supportive institution, People House. As Clarissa Pinkola Estés writes, “Finding that being good, being sweet, being nice will not cause life to sing” (4).
I am not advocating for violence, nor does Ms. Alptraum. She says, “It is always better when we’re able to secure our wins through established channels, when our rights are recognized through all levels of society — and certainly, voting remains a crucial tool in our toolbox.”
But a feminism of disempowerment reminds us that even when the system is rigged, no one can take away our basic human rights.
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Notes & Sources:
1. Alptraum, Lux. “Women, the Game Is Rigged. It’s Time We Stop Playing by the Rules.” The New York Times; July 29, 2022
2. For more information on bodily autonomy, see the United Nations Population Fund, https://www.friendsofunfpa.org/bodily-autonomy-busting-7-myths-that-undermine-individual-rights-and-freedoms/; https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/03/what-is-bodily-autonomy-and-why-does-it-matter-for-women/; https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/reclaiming-body-autonomy-for-women
3. For those interested, check out these websites: https://www.plancpills.org/ and https://www.mayday.health/
4. Estés, Clarissa Pinkola. Women who Run with the Wolves. Ballantine Books, 1992. Page 85.
For more of my blogs, see https://peoplehouse.org/rev-mary-coday-edwards/
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